I've talked the past few days about how I've been in a funk. Some suggested over training and while that may be playing a part in how I'm feeling, there's actually a lot more going on. I let my head get the best of me and once again, it's in charge. I'll pull through, as always, but it's a draining time both mentally and physically.
Anyway, my back to back 20's have been on my mind all week. It wasn't the distance, that doesn't worry or scare me. It wasn't the time, I can always make time. It's been more about what *I* want to do vs what I'm supposed to do. I'm having a hard time lately finding happiness in not only running but work, friends, family, etc. I want, and need more than ever, running to be my outlet right now. I don't want to run because I have to, I want to run because I want to.
I should have known something was off when I didn't pack up my stuff last night as part of my normal pre long run routine. So when the alarm went off at 5:30am this morning, it didn't surprise me that I turned it off. After I did, I spent the next half hour tossing and turning with guilt but I eventually dozed back off to sleep. When I woke up at 7:30 the thought of driving a half hour to the trail and running 20 miles just didn't sound appealing. I didn't want to run, I didn't want to deal with the hassle, I didn't feel like wasting my whole morning. But I got a comment last night that really stuck with me. Michelle said, "I thought of you on Tuesday as I was running my 16 miles - 'if she can run 30, surely, I can suck it up and push thru this silly little 16.' Thanks for inspiring me!"
That comment brought tears to my eyes and as I was trying to talk myself out of a run this morning, I thought about this comment and how I didn't want to let YOU guys down. So I pulled myself together and decided to head out and just run. No set distance, no set pace, no set route. *I* was making the rules for this run and I would do whatever I wanted. I grabbed a handheld (and thankfully ate a banana) and headed out. About a minute into it, I told myself to go at least 2.5 miles out and assess how I was feeling. Well, at 5 miles I hit up Starbucks for a pit stop and continued on for what would be a great, peaceful, fun 15 miles. I loved just running, not knowing which turn I was taking next, and finding new places to explore. It was so fun!
It wasn't my scheduled 20 miles, but I'm ok with that. I need to learn that it's not always about training. It's about what makes me happy. I got out there today; I enjoyed myself and just happened to knock out 15 miles without thinking twice. I have a 20 miler tomorrow, which I'm going to go pack up for now and a 5K on Sunday with Andy and my sister (both of their first!!). I'm taking these runs lightly, going to have fun and enjoy every step along the way.
Thanks to not only Michelle, but to all of YOU. Your comments keep me going and keep me smiling.
16 comments:
That is so great to hear!!! When I was training for Boston the same happened to me. I actually crossed the finish line and didn't run for about 3 months! The best runs are the ones that remind you of why you run...because it is fun! Have a great 20 miler and race!
seriously you know you inspire lots of us! And it makes me feel better to know you need some random non-plan days, cause I was feeling like a slacker :)
So glad that you could find your happy place in running this weekend. Getting through such long training schedules is rough, but you've done the work to be able to pull through - I know I think of your strength when I need help to push through!
Good luck tomorrow, and have fun at the race!
THIS is why you are inspiring! Sure, running 20, 30 or 40 milea ia GREAT but it is the soul that inspires :) Finding your happy place- what a great thing!
Awesome post, Denise. :)
I have to be honest. I think that doing the longer runs is tiring and sometimes the funky feeling we have is from being exhausted and it's hard to stay inspired and fresh, energetic and even happy when you're tired. Hang in there and try to rest! Your happiness will be back any time now!
You're awesome, Sunny D. You were strong during your 20 this morning, to the point where I was serious about you racing the 50! You are an inspiration to so many of us, me included. Thanks for putting up with the doldrums on my end this morning and let's have some serious fun next weekend! Good luck to you and Andy and your sister tomorrow!
Sounds like you did just what you needed to do. Glad you found your groove and happiness out there! I hope the 20 went great today and have fun at the 5K tomorrow! Awesome that Andy & your sister are running!
It's awesome how bloggers keep us going. I had a CRAP run on Thursday and was just huffing and puffing and, like Michelle, I thought of your ultra training and used that to push on a bit. And then I simply had to give in and stop, because sometimes that's what you've got to do!
Glad you had a good, enjoyable run!
No, thank you! You rock!
I hope you had a great 20 miler :)
I read YOUR blog regularly to inspire me to get out there!
Keep on running and I'll keep on reading.
Andrea
Running 20 miles in this weather? You are hard core.
I've been going through the same thing. Good for you getting out there and getting something done!
Sometimes we need to reasses our running, I feel for you. I love a schedule, but I hate it at the same time! I hope you had a great weekend! and that your sister and Andy enjoyed the 5K!
Well, dang. Now I'm going to quit lolly-gagging and get to my measly 2.5mi on my plan today.
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