Do any of you ever get comments about how running must affect your relationship? I've gotten quite a few, actually and they all blow my mind.
The other day I was talking someone about my running goals for 2010 and they said, "poor Andy." I've heard similar comments before and it got me thinking…"poor Andy, what???" Why would anyone feel bad for Andy because I run?? I'm not a drug addict. I'm not an alcoholic. I'm a runner. Being a little bothered by it, I wanted to make sure Andy wasn't sitting at home sulking that he lost the most wonderful person in the world to running. So, I asked him how he felt about it. He looked at me confused, assured me there's no issue at all, and told me that he supports anything that makes me happy. And for the record, that goes both ways with us. Because after all, isn't that what a partnership is about?
Then the other day, while talking about marathons, I overheard someone say they wouldn't run a marathon because they wouldn't want their marriage to end in divorce (or something along those lines). Seriously? My first thought is that if a marriage falls apart because someone takes a few hours a week to go for a run that there is something FAR worse wrong with the marriage. Personally, I think it's good to take some time for ourselves. Not every waking second has to be spent with our partners, does it? And I bet there are a lot of people out there that wish their partners would go for a run and give them some alone time!!
I'm wondering if I missed something. When did marriage/relationships mean you lose your individuality and goals and dreams? Shouldn't you still be living these out? Only difference is now you have the love and support of your partner which makes every achievement more special because you have someone to share it with. I know that I love seeing Andy accomplish his goals. And apparently he feels the same way about me. I went to the dentist the other day and all she told me was how Andy bragged about me running the Ultra when he was in a few weeks ago. :-)
Yes, training is a time commitment, but that doesn't mean you can't have a healthy, loving relationship. I wake up at the crack of dawn on Saturday to do my long run so we can spend the whole day together. I plan my runs around Michigan football so we can watch the games together. I come into work early so I can get home and run so we can eat dinner together. It's called compromising. And there is no "poor" Andy or falling apart marriage. But there is an incredibly strong bond between two people who support each other's goals and love the heck out of each other.
I love every second I spend with Andy…and I'll spend those seconds with him just as soon as I get back from my run!
35 comments:
If runners are careful and considerate about it, I don't think it is detrimental to a relationship. But, I have heard of some cases where the person becomes obsessed with running and hardly spends any time with their spouse.
Even last year, I got up super early to run and avoid the heat, but I had to take a nap later, and that took away from "us" time.
I think it is very important to be an individual and have your own hobbies. My husband is very into strength-building right now (P90X)and I am trying to get back into running. But some people just aren't able to have separate interests. It's weird. But like you said, I think in those relationships, something was wrong to begin with - it didn't begin with the running.
Seriously need you to talk to my wife. She just doesn't get it.
Ever since I took up long distance running, it has been a struggle.
I couldn't agree with you me. I even find that running and having goals and aspirations brings me and my husband closer together. Its a wonderful feeling to be able to charge fearlessly into the future and know that there is someone who shares your vision!
I think that as long as there is open communication then relationships can flourish when individual goals are a part of the relationship. When each person is happy in their own life, then the relationship between the couple can get stronger.
With that said I fear training for a marathon because of the time commitment. But, I know if we talk about it and work together to keep daily family time it will be fine.
The people I've met who have had challenges with this and fear the worst are varied. Most of them are quite dependent on the spouse and struggle with their own individual identity.
Great post girl! Although I'm utterly single (any takers out there??) I can't imagine dating someone who didn't understand that running is my passion. I wouldn't even get involved with someone who couldn't get it. If being healthy is a problem that breaks up a relationship there is so much more wrong there...
I fall in the boat in which my "other" also runs. I always thought I'd be the runner and the man would give me flowers after races. =P He started racing after dating me. Prior to then, he worked out a lot anyway, so now that time goes to running.
He and I train at different paces, but we've managed to run together. And when we can't, I am off doing XYZ (and ABC, unfortunately). We both lead pretty busy lives but generally call evenings "our time." Of course, we don't live together and are not married, so we sometimes don't see each other for days, but I feel like no matter how much or little time we spend together, we still "work." And that's what's important. Obviously, your current arrangements "work," or else you'd sense that something is wrong.
Remember, running is just a hobby....
I'm right there with you... I agree with some of the other comments that there needs to be a balance, but I have no doubt that my running and racing has had only positive affects on my marriage - and not just because Brent does it, too!
So, do tell - what are those goals for 2010?
If nothing else, my husband loves what running does for my legs!
My hubby and I don't have a lot of free time together so it works out well that we run together because otherwise that would cut down on the little bit of free time we do have together. I do agree with you though, we all need our own time and to be able to pursue the things that make us feel happy and fulfilled.
Love this post! My husband and I are both independent people with seperate interests so I know where you are coming from. As long as you are both comfortable in your relationship then don't worry about what other people say.
Running and racing fits right into our relationship and I don't think I've ever felt more supportive and ever been more supportive of my husband as when we're training or one of us is...I over heard a group of guys complaining about their wives and girlfriends hating running and not "letting" them go running...that cracked me up, how sad. It's like saying, "Don't have fun." "Don't take care of yourself."
Such a Great post!! I sometimes wonder about marrying a non-runner. People who have known me since i was little always ask "Does your husband run?" and when I say no they ask "Oh, then WHAT does he do?". I like to respond with "he sits on the couch and drinks beer all day long, folding my laundry" - yes I believe hubby would love a day on the couch but he's motivated in a whole other way and that's where we compromise.
Like you said, we love to have and need time to ourselves but we also love supporting the other in their accomplishments.
You hit the nail on the head with this one, girly! I couldn't agree with you more! I can't believe that people could take something as pure and healthy as training for a marathon and turning it into something as awful as a divorce! That is what is wrong with everyone, we are always looking for an easy way out!
My running has really brought us together. We are both very competitive, I am a runner and he is a mt. biker. We cannot play board games together, we cannot play cards together, but running brings us together. He is sooo supportive, so excited for me all the time. He is my running sherpa and my biggest fan. This is the one time where our competitiveness stops.
You need to have outside intrests in a relationship. Those who can't appreciate their own away time are doomed from the start. Open communication and support are what really matters. Like I say, too, "At least it's not crack!"
I'm reading some of the comments and really thinking...I am so happy I married David. I know I've heard of the wife who complains her husband golfs too much and that sounds similar to this running thing...it's just silly. I mean yes if you have 0 time together because you are obsessed with it fine, that's a problem. But that really isn't the case for most people and lets be honest, half the time we are running before they are awake!
THANK YOU! I'm not in a relationship, but I have often thought, because of insensitive comments like the ones that you recieved, that I can't have a relationship and my own desires and dreams coexist! Thanks for saying out loud what I have been thinking for a while! Sounds like you have a great partner!
I totally agree with you! I think it's hard to sometimes juggle things but it's just like everything else, and isn't that what life is about. Do what you love and love what you do, including the people in your life! :)
good for you and good for andy! :) Bummer for people who don't understand that!
I agree with you. Like anything else, training and racing can be taken to extremes (you see it more often with triathletes training for three sports) but if you structure your training with your partner and family in mind, there is no reason why it should take away from the rest of your life. If anything, the training should leave you more energetic for the rest of your life.
I simplified. I just married a runner, who turned me into one.
Go Big Blue!
SO TRUE. I have often heard comments like that here and there, although it doesn't necessarily apply to us since DH runs too - in fact, he runs more than I do.
You're absolutely right, though. There is nothing wrong with each partner having their own interests and activities and infact I think it makes for a healthier, stronger marriage.
It's awesome to support one another's interests and goals and you and Andy seem to be a fine example of that!
It's definitely a two-way street. I appreciate the support & time that I get from hubs, but I also try to make sure that I don't take away too much from our family time (hence long runs during the week - I'm lucky I can do that).
I know I'm a better wife & mother because I run.
thanks for the comment on my blog! I'm happy to have another blog to read!!
I'd say on this one...there is something obviously missing in that person's relationship. Maybe he/she is just jealous they don't have the dedication to something like running? :-)
I've heard contestants on Biggest Loser and similar shows have spouses that get all bent out of shape after their partner loses all this weight. It initially is great because they look so fabulous but once they get home and reality sets in, their insecurities allow jealousy to shine and relationships are greatly strained. I think lots of people that don't "run" also feel the same if you don't have a partner that does the same. They don't quite get it. As long as each is mutually supportive of each other, then all is good :).
Interesting topic. I thinkit kind of points out what is wrong with relationships these days. A lot of people look at them as 50/50 arrangements.
My wife and I have always viewed our relationship as a 100/100 arrangment. I have to be willing to give 100% of the time and she feels the same. So, she isn't bothered by my running. Likewise, I'm not bothered by her hobbies. I think all too often, people think that "sharing" means "participation"....
Very interesting! I can't see how me running or exercising would HARM my relationship in any way. Actually, I think it HELPS my marriage. Through running, I am getting healthy and fit. I have an outlet to decrease stress. I am a happier person to be around. After all, I started running because my husband is a runner. Sure, sometimes we run together and sometimes I run with my running buddies. But, whatever the case, running is something we have in common and is a good thing, not a bad thing for our relationship!
Very well said. I actually commented on how unsupportive some of the significant others of our running friends can be. I cannot imagine being in a relationship where my partner resented my running or fitness goals. My husband and I both run and he bikes on top of that and we don't run at the same pace but we work it all out. That sometimes means we aren't home together until Friday nights but we plan everthing around being together that night. (no laundry or cleaning allowed!)
I have had issues with my hubby in the past, but only because he felt I was always leaving the kids with him to go run(I wasn't but that's not the point). So I have been running on the treadmill and indoor track a lot more. I am also fortunate to have family that will watch the kids for me.
Now that I don't have him watch the kids as much he is very supportive. My mom is the one who thinks I am "addicted" to running, but she usually watches my kids once a week for me so that's ok.
Interesting thoughts/ comments from people, for sure. It DOES take up a lot of time, but like you said you make it work and work around it. It makes it even more interesting w/ a baby!
I like your post. That's ideal right there. My situation - running is kind of an issue sometimes. Only because, I say no to going out with his friends on Saturdays because I have long runs bring and early Sunday mornings. Or because I get slightly sad that he doesn't instinctively know that he should come watch me race. Maybe someday I'll tell him :)
Interesting, I never saw this as an issue.
Luckily, my hubby has picked up running with, so we can spend that time together.
Great topic and great post. I'm asked a lot both "doesn't your husband mind all the time you spend running/at the gym/out of the house" and "does your husband run/work out with you"? And the answer to both, thankfully, is NO. I have a lot of friends who are joined at the hip to their spouses and often I feel it's a lot more due to insecurity than it is to any real mutual interest in a particular activity or hobby. I do my thing on my time (sometimes I do feel bad that it takes time away from the kids, but that is HIS time to be alone with them...after all, I had them all to myself for 12 hours a day, every day for six years!) and my training time is MINE...I don't want him with me! Fortunately we are secure enough that for us to have separate interests is not an issue or cause for concern...but the questions do come up from others a lot.
Much the same as other bloggers and commentors, it is a compromise. We each have our own interests (him martial arts, me running and triathlon) and the best thing? Our 2 year old son is learning about how moms and dads can be teams and how much fun a healthy lifestyle is!
Ugh. People can be so annoying. There is nothing wrong with having your own thing. I think people who don't have their own things have more to worry about! My husband plays golf, usually twice a week during the season. No one has ever asked me if that caused a problem in our relationship, even though that takes up a good 10 hours or so of his time (away from "poor me" HA HA!).
I don't mind him playing golf and now volleyball and he doesn't mind my running. Like you said, it's a partnership.
I have no problems ditching my husband for training, but I worry abotu having kids some day and ditching them for hours on end. Decisions decisions.
When both partners are working and you throw a couple of kids in the mix it can be a whole different story. I run at 4:30am to try to minimize impact & my wife is a saint. I know there are runners who don't play by those rules and run whenever they want which is a strain on the spouse. Like you said though, if you are behaving like that there are likely larger issues.
wow what a question! My Hubby and I support our hobbies, me running,kickboxing, him softball and basketball. I couldn't imagine him not being supportive, guess we are just two lucky girls!
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